With so many people away during August, it's a good time to take stock of our stomping grounds which are laid out in a completely logical yet often incomprehensible manner. Navigating our grid might be a cinch for those super brainy aliens hovering above us, but even natives can get lost in this space.
Our forefathers started logically enough with First and A Streets radiating from the Capitol throughout the quadrants of Northwest, Southwest, Southeast and Northeast. The street names continue numerically, but in this universe, the alphabet ends at W and skips over J thus resulting in the 1000 block landing between K and L even though K is the eleventh letter.
Still with me?
Also keep in mind, that many streets around the Capitol were renamed for grand things like Independence which wiped out B Street. Plus we have to watch out for avenues shooting through town at all angles. These streets were named for states in somewhat chronological and geographical order which is why Alaska aptly belongs in the upper reaches of Northwest, and Mississippi is found deep in Southeast. At least that's what was supposed to happen. Somehow Arizona ended up in Northwest which I'm guessing was because Southwest ran out of room when DC handed land back to Virginia in 1847. And poor California Street got crammed in between Dupont Circle and Adams Morgan without getting avenue status. Ohio got a drive-by instead.
Before we get too confused, let's return to the grid. After we reach the outer limits of W Street, we blithely skip over X, Y and Z and repeat the alphabet theme with a two syllable series named for famous Americans starting with John Adams and ending with Webster. J is included this time for Jackson so we can relax on that front.
Preceding outwards, we arrive in three syllable territory. Here the names begin with Allison and end with Whittier. My favorite is Quackenbos, the first female Special Assistant United States Attorney. Mary Grace Quackenbos, aka "Mrs Sherlock," was an early champion of women, the working poor, and immigrants. She also had sleuthing skills. Something to think about next time you cruise up Quackenbos.
Finally the fourth alphabet, which sounds like a secret code, occurs in the far eastern wilds of Northwest. Here the syllable count is dropped, and floral names take over, hence Aspen through Verbena. (I guess Wisteria didn't fit.) Now, to make your head hurt, look at a map showing both sides of Rock Creek Park. Nothing matches up from west to east never mind that even natives have gotten lost here.
George Washington Parkway used to add to the confusion when it ran on both sides of the Potomac River, but in 1989, Maryland came to its senses and renamed their section for Clara Barton, another great woman, whose house still stands within spitting distance of the road. She lived in Glen Echo Park where King Soul will be kicking things loose in the Bumper Car Pavilion this Thursday. (If you are alarmed that Canal Road, Clara Barton and the Cabin John Parkway all blend mercilessly into one another, play it safe and take MacArthur Boulevard.)
The show only lasts an hour which gives you navigational geniuses plenty of time to fly over the river for the Dave Chappell Band at JV's near the famed and fearsome crossroads of Seven Corners.
Friday night Parthenon Huxley, erstwhile ELO guitar guru, appears at Jammin Java, and on Saturday, Goin Goin Gone is back at the Takoma VFW; Lunch with Bob happens at Villain and Saint. All these bands boast veteran players...pick your poison.
Sunday DC's legendary Troublefunk throws down at Bethesda Jazz and Blues, and for those in a different mood, check out the mostly punk scene happening at the appropriately named "Snot Fest" at the Pie Shop on H Street. Northeast. Washington. D.C.
Now you know where you're going!
